There were forty-seven thousand, two hundred and fifty-six people at the outlet mall when I was there this past weekend. Oh, I may be exaggerating a bit, I know. It seemed like that many, but it could have been as low as forty-five thousand.

I love this town. It’s nice living here. It’s a special place, even if I do gripe occasionally about the leadership, or lack thereof, of our officials. But I just can’t fathom the appeal of that outlet mall. There are nice stores there. The prices are attractive, but goodness, if you look at the tags on the cars stuffing the lot you notice a lot of them passed a lot of other outlet malls to get here. Go figure.

Well, anyway, I joined the massed hordes of Christmas shoppers when my wife went to get Christmas for a child who wouldn’t have one without her. Now, I’m a really good people observer, so I observed folks that day. Here are some observations and some suggestions to make life a lot better for all of us this Christmas. 

If you’re a parent of a pre-school child please do the following for me. Raise your hand above your head. Keep it there for the next three hours. Don’t put it down. I know the blood will drain out of it, but there’s a point to this exercise. Go about your business of the day, but keep the hand above your head. I’m betting that before the three hours is up you’re going to say something like, “This is ridiculous. My arm hurts!” Exactly. Now the next time you drag that child along with you on the shopping spree, and you’re holding the child’s hand as you putter from store to store, and you lean over and say to that child in that threatening motherly voice, “I don’t know what’s gotten into you. Why are you whining today?”, remember how it felt having your arm over your head all that time.

Stop making all those snide comments about the young lady at the checkout counter. She’s doing the best she can. And if you’re honest about it you’ll notice the person she’s dealing with ahead of you is just a difficult as are you. Speaking of difficult, since I may be one of those behind you, would you please make sure you have the right size before you get to checkout. Thank you. 

There is no sense in berating your spouse, ladies, about his lack of interest. Listen, when you lean close and whisper in your man’s ear it doesn’t matter that you’re whispering. We all can read your body language. You’re telling him to shape up and to be more agreeable about having to hang around the ladies intimate apparel garments while you decide if blue or green is a more appropriate color for his sister-in-law. Let me make bold and give a suggestion. Why not trade him time, minute for minute. For every minute he shops with you in those places you spend equal time at Black & Decker.

Finally, as one who sits on the other side of the counseling desk, here’s a heartfelt suggestion. When you’re trying to decide whether to buy that child one more gift or not, don’t. The child doesn’t need another gift. What the child needs is you, all of you, an emotionally healthy you. And more debt is not going to make for a healthy you.